The Head of an Heiress

I’ve never been one to be good about comforting people about the lost of a loved one. I never know what to say or what to do but I always want to be there for them I just don’t know how. I know he’ s in a better place with his family but I want him to be here with us on earth as selfish as that may sound. Its crazy because I only knew him for about a year but he always seemed to be a happy person with a big grin on his face. He was kind and funny and he always seemed like a truly genuine person. He always said hi to me when he saw me and gave me a hug. I can remember our last encounter during finals week when I ran into him at the SLC and he looked like a bear with all his facial hair. It makes me smile thinking about it but I knew we were both taking 3 finals in the coming days and I wished him luck as he went on his way.

It makes you think: what you would do if you knew that this was the last time you would ever see him? Would you hug him a little longer, chat him up more, let him smoke the bowl a little more than you. Would you try to hold on to the memories you both shared no matter how small they were?

I remember we were both leaving the Loft one night and he was like “Pam!! I haven’t seen you in so long!” and that just made me smile. He was so happy (partly because of obvious reasons) but idk it made me happy that he was so happy, its like it rubbed off on me. He was so hyped about their probate and that his car was gonna be in it.

I was reading all the things people said about him on his facebook and its crazy to see that just a few days ago he was writing on his own wall. It makes me realize how short life can be and how fast it can easily be taken from you. Learn to cherish every moment with someone no matter how small it is. This makes me think about a lot of things in my life that don’t matter as much as I make them out to be. I’ve realized more and more that I should care less about the materialistic stuff and more about the relationships I have with those that I love. To stop with all the bickering and nonsense, and just take the time to be with others. To build on the relationships you have and be thankful for all the people that truly care about you. To be happy and appreciative and thankful because we never know when our time will come. With every loss, we gain something from that person and we never forget them and how they’ve impacted our lives.

R.I.P. Bhavin Patel, a great brother and friend to all who crossed his path

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Im one to usually speak my mind but it seems like some people are just so sensitive these days, like really sensitive, overly sensitive. If you bring anything up to them at all, even if its just to tell them how you feel about something they did and that you’re not even really mad about, they get really defensive or angry. I just dont understand. I dont even know how to express how irritating it is… all im asking for is people to listen to me. If i did something that bothered you, would you not feel the need to tell me about it so that i wouldnt do it again or so that you wouldnt be constantly thinking about it or so that it won’t build up over time and accumulate into a bigger problem. These all seem like very good reasons to me for why one should tell another how they feel, what they’re thinking. Its just a very good way to clarify things especially if theres miscommunication.   

But sometimes I feel like maybe its a gender thing… maybe. I know guys have this sense of manliness that they feel they must always possess about them and they may not always express themselves as freely as girls do just because others might judge them. But if thats the excuse that they give, then theyre full of shit, lots and lots of shit.

And I know girls do have a tendency to talk a lot sometimes and yeah some are just better to be around when they do have their mouths shut but I feel like women who are opinionated and who talk for reasons other than hearing their own voices deserve to be listened to with open ears and an open mind. Ive heard the saying “girls are meant to be seen and not heard” and if a guy doesnt like me bc he thinks i talk too much, then he can suck it because if you cant even hold a conversation with me that says a lot more about you than it does about me.  

I can say though at this point im just starting to ramble on out of anger so im just going to leave it at that: if you dont have any substance, youre not worth my time. period.

Everyone always asks me what do I look for in a guy and honestly I never give any real in depth qualities besides the usual.

Nice smile

Clean appearance

Funny/ Makes me laugh

Makes me happy

Comfortable to be around

Someone I can just chill with

Someone who’s willing to try new things and be open minded

A friend

Sociable and outgoing

But when I really think about it, there’s qualities that I need to have in a relationship for me to stay

Honesty

Trustworthy

Loyal

Respectful

Dedicated

Caring

Selfless

Loving

Compassionate

HONESTY: If you can’t be honest with me then our relationship is a shallow one. When I’m truly comfortable with someone I am able to tell them anything I may see wrong with them whether it’s their bad attitude, stupid mistake, or if they have bats hanging from the batcave. Just because I’m honest doesn’t mean I’m trying to point out flaws in someone it just means that I can be upfront with them and help them out in cases where others will let them go on making mistakes. If you feel like you have the need to lie to me then obviously you can’t be real with me and if you’re not real with me you’re not going to be honest with me and there’s already enough people in my life who lie to me on a daily basis so I need that one person who I know will always be honest and will tell me things like they are. Even if you know I won’t like what I hear it’s better than me going on living my life a lie.

TRUSTWORTHY: I’ve never met someone that I’ve considered as relationship worthy that I could fully trust. I know it’s not right for me to think like that. How can I not trust someone who has yet to give me a reason to not trust them? N I try to give people the benefit of the doubt by trusting them 100% when I meet them but in the back if my head it’s always 99%. I’ve always been weary about the intentions people have and my opinion of people in general is that their intentions are usually not in the best interest of me. I think I’ve just been screwed over one too many times and the longer I live, the more I experience, the less trust I have in people.

It has been a year since my last relationship ended and many people probably don’t know the whole story about me and my ex aka Vag. Honestly, I could care less if it weren’t for the fact that he talked so much shit about us afterwards. There’s many things that I would just like to clarify.

1. Vag broke up with me (you would think the complete opposite wouldn’t you). 

-I’ve never been one to be conceited but in all honesty i can say that i am on a higher level than him, so many would assume that i broke up with him but thats definitely not how it happened. I knew we were going through a rough stage in our relationship and things just werent going well for us, so he thought it was best that we broke up. Me being the person that I am, I always try to salvage the relationship, always trying to make things work. I asked him if he wanted to take a break or break up bc though they are very similar they are also very different. He didnt see the difference so i explained to him that in my eyes when you break up with someone your relationship is over and done with and the titles that were there before no longer existed. when you take a break, you need time and space apart from each other to collect your thoughts and reflect on the relationship and where things are going: should you continue, take some personal time, make some changes to the relationship, or end it where it stands. well he thought that breaking up was the best option so i stopped trying and stopped persuading him to stay and i let him walk away.

2. Vag tried to get back with me (what a surprise).

-So after about 2 days of us being apart look who comes knocking on my door. He tells me he’s changed, he’s a better person. Seriously? how the hell can someone change in just 2 days? its just not possible. i couldnt even think of what he was trying to change besides his lack of confidence, which is a completely different story.

-But honestly for me those 2 days were eye opening. i felt so much better, less stressed less emotional less everything bad. in the least to say i was happy. i felt like i was released from the ball and chain that was holding me back. and i was ready to move on.

3. Vag the Psycho Phase I (should’ve saw it coming).

-So when he told me he wanted to get back, I’m sure you probably know my response: NO. I was done. I had tried, I had put everything into that relationship and was dedicated to him 100% but he gave me that taste of freedom and that was that. I just remember the constant phone calls and text messages, even the hacking of my phone account where he decided to call all the numbers on my record as an unknown caller (can you say thats a least a little bit psychotic?).

-That first night he was hysterical. Crying, sobbing, the works. He kept saying he needed to see me that he needed a hug, and he was willing to do anything to get it. He kept telling me he was going to go to my apartment and wait for me but that was just not a good time for me because I was busy with a lot of things at the time. At that point, I told him I needed space and time to myself to think things through, but I think ultimately I was done I just didn’t want him to do anything drastic b/c being hysterical as he was was not a laughing matter and this was something I found out later.

4. Vag the Loner (now it all makes sense).

-After the psycho came out I tried to make the situation better. I told him go hang out with your bros spend time with them. My sorors were always the best way to keep any boy off my mind. Then he tells me “they don’t want to hang out with me, they don’t like me.” 

-Before I felt bad for him when he would tell me things like that. He was always complaining to me about how they were mean to him and always brushed off things he said and did as president of his chapter. I remember even trying to get his bros together for his birthday was ridiculous; it was like no one cared about him. BUT now it all makes sense to me. After hearing all the things from other bros I can completely understand why no one wanted to be around him. He never told me the whole story apparently, but the truth always prevails even if it takes a year or so.